Oh therapy… how would I know I could get so many new insights about myself. The thing is I thought I know myself, my life and how I should live it. But it was not.
On the 3rd session, I was supposed to read out load my writing of my “own” life story. I felt ashamed. I went forward and laid it all out there even things I never said out load before… During my reading, some of the moments I felt like crying which I told by my therapist, that those things are still not healed, still living and breathing like a devil creature in my heart even it is happenned long time ago. At the end of this session, I found out that I have toxic thought loop which disconnects me from my present, let me relive/feel all those hard feelings associated with that negative memory. Other times, this loop leds me to negative self talk and I find myself at the worst…Funny thing is that I wrote about mostly hurtful experiences of my life. Why did I think that I should be writing all my bad experience when task was just writing about my life story? Mind is weird like that. Isn it?
On the 4th session, I did my homework on tracking mood journal and little tasks on various areas of self love which I’ve done it everyday. It really helped me improve my energy termendously. After previous session, I started differentiating trigger or caught myself starting on the toxic thought loop. When I catch myself on that, I started doing the grounding exercise, breathing and acknowledging present moments as instructed. Sometimes when that loop starts, I manage it to stop by doing the exercise, I try really hard to comeback to normal because at that moment, me is in state of increased breathing, pounding heart, feels like crying but couldn’t cry etc., Sometimes it is easy to catch up myself and move on with present. Strange thing is the realization of the fact that I do have it. On this session, my therapist and I both were very appreciated on the progress I am making. I found out that I could be triggered by anything with my 5 maybe 6 senses which is totally normal. Also, moods/emotions change all the time. It is okay to feel anger, positivity, loneliness or fear. Surprising thing is that I need to do grounding exercises on my high positive emotions too. I need to start working on neutralising emotion changes.… which I totally forgot and glad that I am doing these posts.
What a things happen in our mind ? right ? I am still surprised and amazed on how things are turning for myself. Mostly positive things. I am so glad on things that I found about myself and very thankful on doing this for myself. Thanking me and you guys. Thank you for being with me in this journey by reading my posts.
Sending you good energy.
